so upset that i can't even sign in right! ugh! wtf is wrong with my family?!?
step sis (kristy) is in the hospital trying to have a baby
step mom (bitch aka antia) telling kristy that the hospital is telling her she can't have visters so i can't come up!
i came up anyways. bitch makes kristy up set. bitch walks out on kristy when she should be there to help kristy.
bitch goes home to tell dad what a horrible person some other lies.
i call dad, dads dumb enough to put me on speaker phone so now the bitch knows that shes a bitch.. thanks to me.
its going to make the visit tomorrow at the hospital a little awkward. dad shouldn't put me on speaker phone .. ever!
i can't go to sleep because bitch is a bitch and dad is dumb. i'm going to act like i didn't know i was on speaker phone and just pretend i didn't say anything ever! ugh! my parents think they are smarter than i. how ever my whole life i've had to think one step a head of them! she is evil to the core. right down to beating me with my own crutch when i was 8 years old! she has my dad so fucked up he doesn't know what way is right. she is so drugged up on meds that its not even funny. the woman is crazy. i'm really happy we dont have the same blood. i would be a little worried if i was. i just want to stop thinking about this so i can fall a sleep. man. this lady has been making my life difficult for 17 years! i'm just happy i dont have to live with her anymore. thats for sure!
Thursday, July 31
Wednesday, July 30
ugh
so i'm going to just trust that kevin is telling me the truth. hes never lied to me, and maybe some day we will be together. lol yeah right. but it seems every time i'm upset with him he just fixes me. i mean i know about everything that makes him happy in bed. but i dont know much out sided of that i wish we could be a couple i wish i could know what makes him happy day to day. i dont know what ever it doesn't matter. i think i'm just in love with the idea of us being together and once we were it would just be a lost feeling of what to do next. idk.
i have to get ready for my horrible job. where people argue with me and i have to prove my point and people who don't want to do there job call me so i have to do it for them. i'm about sick of this. i wish the people i like would stop going on vacation that would make the job a little bit easier. i like most of the people on my desk. i would like some of them more if they would stay out of my bubble! our new boss sent me an email and it was more of a demand than hey will ya do this. so it kind of scared me yesterday because i dont know if this is how this is going to be? this new boss situation. i mean i am basically the reason why he has the job he has. i got a few of us to send an email or 2 and then talked to my current boss to tell him that he should talk to the big boss and tell her that this is the guy we want. i was impressed how it turned out. i just hope i dont regret it. other wise we would have someone who wouldn't have worked out very well at all. so at least now there is hope.
i have to get ready for my horrible job. where people argue with me and i have to prove my point and people who don't want to do there job call me so i have to do it for them. i'm about sick of this. i wish the people i like would stop going on vacation that would make the job a little bit easier. i like most of the people on my desk. i would like some of them more if they would stay out of my bubble! our new boss sent me an email and it was more of a demand than hey will ya do this. so it kind of scared me yesterday because i dont know if this is how this is going to be? this new boss situation. i mean i am basically the reason why he has the job he has. i got a few of us to send an email or 2 and then talked to my current boss to tell him that he should talk to the big boss and tell her that this is the guy we want. i was impressed how it turned out. i just hope i dont regret it. other wise we would have someone who wouldn't have worked out very well at all. so at least now there is hope.
Sunday, July 27
its true
i think we have to many blog writers and not enough blog readers.
yesterday was a really good day. i got a table! i've wanted a bar table for a long time! i finally have one. it was only 100 dollars that's really cheap and it came with 2 chairs. it was just me and my dad, for those few hours, no step mom or step sister. i do love my step sister but she is so loud that she takes over every conversation. so we had lunch and then got the table and then we went to the store, i was soooo happy he helped me carry in all my heavy groceries. its always interesting how he has an option on what i buy. he was like " are you really going to buy Roberts milk.." i was like "well yeah" i don't know what was wrong with roberts milk but i bought it. i simply like the pink cap :). the other night my neighbor above me had sex all night long. it was irritating listening to that, come on now.
i'm going out of town 3 times in the month of august can you believe that? i can't! i dont know if i'll go to the family reunion. i mean man i'll have to take off another 2 days to go. man. i know how much my dad likes me to go but i went last year.. i just heard that one of my uncle may have cansor. that's what everyone in the family dies from. so i should go out and see him while hes still well. we will see.
i have a table. i told my dad about 12 times that i have a table, after the 12th he told me to find someone else to tell. lol. so i was smiling and he said "what" i said "i just wanted to say that i was really happy about having a table
but you told me not to say that anymore" he laughed.
i feel like i just get up and go to work every day. i don't really feel like i have a day off when i do have one, because they are full of so many things to do. i really really really need to do laundry but i really really really really don't want to. i'll probably do it to night when i get off work. if i can't find something else better to do. hehe.
so now that i have a table i want a bigger tv and i want new sofa and a new chair :) the want list never ends. and maybe if i could work and stop going out of town i'd have enough money to buy these things!
oh my good god. my mom was ridicules the other day. she called and left a voice mail and 2 days later i had not called her back and then i get a nasty ass voice mail! by the way a nasty ass vm is NOT going to make me want to call you back. i did send her an email and told her i was busy. i just honestly don't want to talk on the phone after being on the phone all day at work. ya know.
i think its time to do some work. :)
yesterday was a really good day. i got a table! i've wanted a bar table for a long time! i finally have one. it was only 100 dollars that's really cheap and it came with 2 chairs. it was just me and my dad, for those few hours, no step mom or step sister. i do love my step sister but she is so loud that she takes over every conversation. so we had lunch and then got the table and then we went to the store, i was soooo happy he helped me carry in all my heavy groceries. its always interesting how he has an option on what i buy. he was like " are you really going to buy Roberts milk.." i was like "well yeah" i don't know what was wrong with roberts milk but i bought it. i simply like the pink cap :). the other night my neighbor above me had sex all night long. it was irritating listening to that, come on now.
i'm going out of town 3 times in the month of august can you believe that? i can't! i dont know if i'll go to the family reunion. i mean man i'll have to take off another 2 days to go. man. i know how much my dad likes me to go but i went last year.. i just heard that one of my uncle may have cansor. that's what everyone in the family dies from. so i should go out and see him while hes still well. we will see.
i have a table. i told my dad about 12 times that i have a table, after the 12th he told me to find someone else to tell. lol. so i was smiling and he said "what" i said "i just wanted to say that i was really happy about having a table
but you told me not to say that anymore" he laughed.
i feel like i just get up and go to work every day. i don't really feel like i have a day off when i do have one, because they are full of so many things to do. i really really really need to do laundry but i really really really really don't want to. i'll probably do it to night when i get off work. if i can't find something else better to do. hehe.
so now that i have a table i want a bigger tv and i want new sofa and a new chair :) the want list never ends. and maybe if i could work and stop going out of town i'd have enough money to buy these things!
oh my good god. my mom was ridicules the other day. she called and left a voice mail and 2 days later i had not called her back and then i get a nasty ass voice mail! by the way a nasty ass vm is NOT going to make me want to call you back. i did send her an email and told her i was busy. i just honestly don't want to talk on the phone after being on the phone all day at work. ya know.
i think its time to do some work. :)
Saturday, July 12
Status: In a Relationship
I'm a little hurt to find out that Kevin (hot neighbor) is in a Relationship! I mean he and I have had our thing going for 3 years and has out lasted many relationships but... for him to LIE to me thats uncalled for. He told me that he made a bet with this girl who was a friend that they wouldn't sleep with anyone for 90 days. The bet is 100 dollars. He tells me this I'm like wtf I'm the one getting screwed with this deal. I'm worth a 100 bucks get over here and show me. Why the hell would you make a bet like that? he told me he was being a different person and trying to keep to his word now and he didn't want to lie. about winning. I thought it was odd but I didn't think much of it I have a whole lot of shit come up in the next to weeks and then last night I was relaxing had the night to my self and I think.. why did Kevin tell me that I could find a good guy. Why did he say that I was pretty much the only girl he was with right now (not the only girl). Wait a minute it sounds like he is walking around the truth. Lets log on to myspace, sure enough, Status: In a Relationship. ok ok ok breath ok what does the girl look like... BETH "You are my sunshine" is the comment she left . my heart stops. Shes hot shes probably everything I'm not. How could he lie to me. I've never asked him for anything. I guess he is thinking that he wants his cake and eat it to. But Aug 1st the day his bet would be up, wouldn't I expect him to text me. What was his plain after that? I don't care I feel hurt and betrade. He has been the only one that I've been with over a year now. I know that we were not in a relationship but we've had this time apart when I was in KS I thought about him and I being in a relationship alot. There are a lot of things that I liked about him but we have nothing in common we could never be something more. He doesn't like that I'm not trying to be a Dr. or a lawyer or something wonderful. It was just good sex and I need to get over it. I mean after 3 years its kind of hard. Worst things have happened, like the love of my life marrying some other girl. and not telling me about it. (these guys I tell ya they think they can get away with this shit, maybe for a little while but not for long.)
update
1:14 PM me: hey
Kevin: good morning
me: did you lie to me?
1:15 PM Kevin: not that I know of, sup ?
me: about the bet
Kevin: no i didn't lie to you about the bet
me: it looks like you have a girlfriend
1:16 PM Kevin: that i do
me: is that why you did not want to sleep with me?
Kevin: no
1:17 PM i didn't want to sleep with you because of the bet
me: so your not sleeping with your girlfriend either
Kevin: which im still upholding by the way :P
1:18 PM me: i dont know it just seemed kind of odd. so are we basicly done or what
1:19 PM Kevin: well what do you mean by that?
1:20 PM me: i mean if you have a girlfriend are you done sleeping with me?
1:22 PM Kevin: well as much as I would like to do both for obvious reasons, im not so sure she would be down with that
me: ok
i guess have fun with that
Kevin: well gee
1:23 PM me: have you not got any of my text
i mean i've been pretty upset about this whole thing
Kevin: i don't have text messaging anymore :D
1:24 PM new plan saves me 30 bucks a month.
i may get it again, but for now i barely use my phone
if im not at work, im at school and if not there im at home working
me: to me it looked like you gave me a line of bull shit about a bet ... and i go on to my space to find out you have a girlfriend so it looks like you've lied to me
1:25 PM Kevin: nope, no bull shit. although the way things worked themselves out i can see it that way
1:26 PM me: yeah
so anyways.. are we done?
1:27 PM Kevin: maybe a hiatus
1:28 PM like i said, you have much to be desired, but i can't imagine it beings something compatible with my current situation
me: i mean is she the one.. or is it like a fling
1:29 PM Kevin: oh hell i can't tell if she's "the one" but i know it's not a fling
1:30 PM i dunno, the last girlfriend wasnt really much of a fling either, and she wasn't really the one either (obviously)
i did feel kinda bad for doing it
1:31 PM but at the same time i didn't really regret it either
1:32 PM me: i understand
i've been upset for 2 weeks thinking you were ignoring me
and that you lied to me
Kevin: oh naw
1:33 PM me: and you've never lied to me or ever had a reason to and thats why i was so confused
i really just thought you told me about this bet to keep me at bay until you figured things out with your girlfriend
i felt cheep .. and my heart was broke
1:34 PM Kevin: it's not like that
me: even if you dont have text dont you still get the text i send
1:35 PM Kevin: nope my phone has no message sending or receiving capabilities
but
1:38 PM me: well we just have such a past that i would hate to throw it away.
Kevin: i know
me: i just wish you would have told me that you had a girlfriend insted of me finding out the way i did
1:39 PM Kevin: well i didn't have text messaging since like early julyish ?
1:40 PM end up with this gal mid july
so i mean things kinda just dropped into where they are like .. quickly
1:41 PM and it's not like i've been running around proclaiming it
1:42 PM me: i'm just saying
Kevin: i know
but i mean there's not really much i can say or am willing to do
1:43 PM and im not doing any of it to spite you
me: yeah i get that now.
anyways
1:44 PM you should come over aug 1st
Kevin: ugh i want to for obvious reasons
me: i diserve it
1:45 PM one last time :)
1:46 PM Kevin: you see the problem with that is good stuff like the way it works out... there's one last time, and then theres one last time
me: sad day
1:47 PM Kevin: trust, It's not like i don't think about it often
1:48 PM me: i'm sure i think about it more than you :)
1:50 PM Kevin: Oh i dunno i think about it quite often
1:51 PM me: me to
Kevin: and will probably continue to do so for .. who knows
1:53 PM i'm really happy i got to talk to you and get this all cleared up
Kevin: okie dokie
1:54 PM me: have fun thinking about .. things
Kevin: you know it
1:55 PM feel free to email me here at any time, i check this email regularly
Kevin: good morning
me: did you lie to me?
1:15 PM Kevin: not that I know of, sup ?
me: about the bet
Kevin: no i didn't lie to you about the bet
me: it looks like you have a girlfriend
1:16 PM Kevin: that i do
me: is that why you did not want to sleep with me?
Kevin: no
1:17 PM i didn't want to sleep with you because of the bet
me: so your not sleeping with your girlfriend either
Kevin: which im still upholding by the way :P
1:18 PM me: i dont know it just seemed kind of odd. so are we basicly done or what
1:19 PM Kevin: well what do you mean by that?
1:20 PM me: i mean if you have a girlfriend are you done sleeping with me?
1:22 PM Kevin: well as much as I would like to do both for obvious reasons, im not so sure she would be down with that
me: ok
i guess have fun with that
Kevin: well gee
1:23 PM me: have you not got any of my text
i mean i've been pretty upset about this whole thing
Kevin: i don't have text messaging anymore :D
1:24 PM new plan saves me 30 bucks a month.
i may get it again, but for now i barely use my phone
if im not at work, im at school and if not there im at home working
me: to me it looked like you gave me a line of bull shit about a bet ... and i go on to my space to find out you have a girlfriend so it looks like you've lied to me
1:25 PM Kevin: nope, no bull shit. although the way things worked themselves out i can see it that way
1:26 PM me: yeah
so anyways.. are we done?
1:27 PM Kevin: maybe a hiatus
1:28 PM like i said, you have much to be desired, but i can't imagine it beings something compatible with my current situation
me: i mean is she the one.. or is it like a fling
1:29 PM Kevin: oh hell i can't tell if she's "the one" but i know it's not a fling
1:30 PM i dunno, the last girlfriend wasnt really much of a fling either, and she wasn't really the one either (obviously)
i did feel kinda bad for doing it
1:31 PM but at the same time i didn't really regret it either
1:32 PM me: i understand
i've been upset for 2 weeks thinking you were ignoring me
and that you lied to me
Kevin: oh naw
1:33 PM me: and you've never lied to me or ever had a reason to and thats why i was so confused
i really just thought you told me about this bet to keep me at bay until you figured things out with your girlfriend
i felt cheep .. and my heart was broke
1:34 PM Kevin: it's not like that
me: even if you dont have text dont you still get the text i send
1:35 PM Kevin: nope my phone has no message sending or receiving capabilities
but
1:38 PM me: well we just have such a past that i would hate to throw it away.
Kevin: i know
me: i just wish you would have told me that you had a girlfriend insted of me finding out the way i did
1:39 PM Kevin: well i didn't have text messaging since like early julyish ?
1:40 PM end up with this gal mid july
so i mean things kinda just dropped into where they are like .. quickly
1:41 PM and it's not like i've been running around proclaiming it
1:42 PM me: i'm just saying
Kevin: i know
but i mean there's not really much i can say or am willing to do
1:43 PM and im not doing any of it to spite you
me: yeah i get that now.
anyways
1:44 PM you should come over aug 1st
Kevin: ugh i want to for obvious reasons
me: i diserve it
1:45 PM one last time :)
1:46 PM Kevin: you see the problem with that is good stuff like the way it works out... there's one last time, and then theres one last time
me: sad day
1:47 PM Kevin: trust, It's not like i don't think about it often
1:48 PM me: i'm sure i think about it more than you :)
1:50 PM Kevin: Oh i dunno i think about it quite often
1:51 PM me: me to
Kevin: and will probably continue to do so for .. who knows
1:53 PM i'm really happy i got to talk to you and get this all cleared up
Kevin: okie dokie
1:54 PM me: have fun thinking about .. things
Kevin: you know it
1:55 PM feel free to email me here at any time, i check this email regularly
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