Poor blogspot I’ve wanted to write here so many times and haven’t. Sorry I’ve neglected you.
Where to start …
I guess with the love life because that’s the most interesting. I dated a woman for the first time Apr 5th of 2010 and did so for 9 months on and off and I broke it off 3 days before Christmas of 2010. As much as I know in my brain that this relationship should be over for good, my heart is doing a good job of trying to convince my brain it’s wrong. I do love her a lot and if I can I will help her with life. But its not practical she needs to grow up a bit before we can be together. She made me feel things I’ve never felt before and I thank her for that. We have a connection that I’m afraid I’ll never have again. It runs so much deeper then I think most people realize. I keep thinking of what people tell me all the time the heart picks who it loves. Well if that’s true then my heart has picked her. That is for sure. I try to tell her why we had to break up but it’s like she doesn’t want to understand or I can’t explain it very well. I think when the words come out of my mouth they don’t seem as big of a deal as they are in my head. She is with another girl at this time and it is killing me. It is almost like I don’t want her until she is with someone else. Which is what she says to me all the time and can be true.. when it is good between us is amazing .. and when it isn’t .. it sucks soooo much .. I’m scared tho I’m scared that I’ll have that same feeling as I did on Dec 22 when I didn’t feel like I loved her, it was like we where 2 people just in the same room with no emotions on my part. I don’t want to break up her current relationship and destroy what she may have with this Amanda chick to find out that I’m going to fall out of love again. If we do date again I know its going to be a real commitment like living together and being in a real relationship it wont be just dating again and she is going to expect me to tell everyone we are together. She won’t deal with me not being completely out the 2nd time around. I don’t blame her but I don’t think she should be the one telling me when and how I should be outted. I loved how she loved me. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. God it feels good to be loved. I love having a reason to get up in the morning. She did give me that. I loved the texts I received every morning when I woke up. Ok ok before I get to a head of my self. It is what it is and I just have to wait and see how this unfolds.
Other than that I moved at the beginning of this month into a one-bedroom apt. it seems big, it’s twice the size of my last apt studio. I get a patio now. It seems like the kitchen is a different apt it's so big. kinda sad it takes more time to get ready in the morning because everything is so far from everything else. I got renters insurance now that I’ve invested some money into the things in my place. Best friends with Mario. Its kinda a shock because of how much I couldn’t stand the kid when we first met. We’ve been to KS City and Wichita KS and Houston and Austin and San Antonio TX. I’m sure there are many more trips to come.
I worked up stairs on the HWS design for six months it was a great job. I’m back down the regional leads now. (play sad music now). It has been ok due to my mom needing extra support.. even tho at this time I have dropped out of that game. I don’t talk to my dad much in fact I didn’t see him for a year and a half before I moved and didn’t talk to him for a year before. My sister made him come over and help move me .. I think he wanted to also. His face lit up when he saw me it was nice.
I think that's enough for today. I hope to be back soon.
katie.
